


Maybe, Just Maybe

by eloquentelegance



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Autistic Tsuna, FemTsuna, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloquentelegance/pseuds/eloquentelegance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her name is Sawada Tsunayoshiko and she is wating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her name is Sawada Tsunayoshiko and she is waiting. 

 

She thinks she was supposed to be a boy. Tsunayoshi is a perfectly respectable boy’s name. But when she came out a surprise, Mama or Papa - someone - tacked on a haphazard “ko”. It was a really sad attempt to make the name more feminine. It sums up her life quite well, she thinks. She’s just a really sad attempt at, well, everything. 

 

It doesn’t bother her, exactly. Sure, the kids make fun of her, sometimes - often - all the time. It’s just… She figured… She used to watch Sailor Moon. She was born in the nineties, of course she watched Sailor Moon. She looked at the main character, this whiny, clumsy crybaby who failed in school, and she thought, “She’s just like me!” She figured if Tsukino Usagi could be some reincarnated moon princess with so many friends ( _ so many _ ). Then maybe, just maybe, there’s hope for her yet. 

 

It’s not like she’s hoping to be long lost royalty or anything. But, she wants  _ friends _ . That’s all. It’s just, she’s kind of really bad at small talk and smiling and she even messes up saying her own name. She’s hoping for something, a mysterious black cat maybe, to come say she’s someone special. She’s waiting for someone to tell her she’s worth  _ something. _ Even if she’s awkward and incapable of doing the most simple of things, she can still be important to someone else, just one more person. That’s all. That’s all.  _ That’s all. _

 

Tsukino Usagi was 14 when she became Sailor Moon. Sawada Tsunayoshiko is 13. She’s got one more year and then… She doesn’t know what happens if nothing happens. She doesn’t want to know. It’s a terrifying thought.


	2. Chapter 2

In the end, when she finally got what she wanted, Tsunayoshiko ran away screaming.

"Tsunayoshiko," the baby says, the baby in a well-tailored suit.

Which, alright, she could have rolled with that. Mentor mascots have been getting a lot of variety lately. Now it's not just talking cats or vaguely animal-looking creatures. She's sure there's a version of Pretty Cure with a baby mascot. It's not that weird, really, to be honest. She would have been okay with a baby showing up at her doorstep, claiming to be her tutor.

Except, the baby isn't talking about far away kingdoms or starborn quests or the usual magical girl tropes. No, the baby says, "I'm a hitman from the mafia. I'm here to train you as the next boss of Vongola."

Tsunayoshiko has been waiting for this. Ever since she was four and those first chords of an iconic theme song filled the living room, she has dreamnt of something - someone appearing out of nowhere to choose her, specifically. Because she was kind, maybe. Because she was brave, maybe. Because maybe, she has untapped potential and she isn't totally useless.

She hung a kind of fanatical hope on this possibility. And there's a distinct vindication in it, to believe in some kind of fairy dropping into her life. It frames her incompetency as some sort of set up, where the only reason she's so terrible is because she's going to be awesome later. She would've waited however long it took if someone promised her, definitively and absolutely, that there was going to be "later."

Well, here's that promise now. It's packaged in a baby with too black eyes in a too straight suit. Tsunayoshiko took one look at him, and ran the hell away.

She didn't get very far.

* * *

  
To add insult to an increasing amount of injury, her magical girl transformation involved very little magic, a lot more fire, and a lot less clothes. Oh, sure. She saw those transformation sequences. Everyone with working eyes can see those girls were getting undressed and redressed. Unfortunately for Tsunayoshiko, her transformation took a dead stop at undress. There would be no mini skirt of power for her.

This isn't what she wanted. This is nothing like what she wanted.

In the aftermath, Kurokawa Hana confronts her. It was inevitable, she thinks. She did rush at Kyoko, wearing only her underwear, and shouting loudly about hanging out together. Also, she was a little bit on fire - like actually, for real kind of fire. It makes sense for Kurokawa, Kyoko's best friend, to be concerned, just a bit.

"I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing," Kurokawa tells her. "But leave Kyoko out of it."

They're behind the school. It's lunch time. Kurokawa pulled her aside, right after class ended, demanding they talk. She really didn't have much of a choice in the matter. So, here they were. At least, she's wearing clothes again.

"'Mnot," Tsunayoshiko mumbles, freezing up. It's the kind of chill she only gets when social interaction is involved, when she is required to speak or respond. Her brain gets a little tangled, knotted up somehow. Her thoughts don't translate well on her tongue. She doesn't want to speak at all.

"What was that? Speak up! I can't understand you!" Kurokawa snaps.

She flinches, curling into herself. She's always hated when people raised their voices. It felt uniquely painful like nettles digging into her skin. It made her want to scratch off her own flesh. She can already feel her nails digging into her arms. She's not supposed to do it, the scratching, the skin picking. But sometimes - a lot of times - it's like if she doesn't do something, she might literally explode. She's done enough of that today so... Her nails draw thin, red lines on her biceps and she feels just a bit better. See? That makes it okay.

"Sawada! Hey! Could you look at me? Sawada? Are you even paying attention? Where the hell are you right now? Because you sure ain't here!"

No. Kurokawa is wrong. She is very wrong. Tsunayoshiko is here. She is concretely trapped by Kurokawa and her loud voice and her request to speak and look her in the eye. She can literally think of nothing but the here and the now.

That's how it always starts, the building. She's starting to fixate on other things, other noises, like the distant chatter of schoolmates, like the rustling of leaves in the wind. More and more until there's so much and all Tsunayoshiko wants to do is scream and scream and scream to drown it all out. This is why she doesn't talk to people. It's just so stressful.

"Hey, Sawada," Kurokawa lowers her voice, acutely aware of something wrong. "Are you... What's going on with you? I mean, it's not really my problem - I'm not gonna - Look! Could you just - not be like that?"

Kurokawa gestures at all of her. Tsunayoshiko digs her nails in deeper. She's definitely going to leave marks, but it will be covered by her sleeves. It's fine. She needs this right now.

"All I'm saying is, if this is some kind of twisted bid for attention, leave Kyoko out of it. I won't let her get caught up in whatever scheme you're cooking for... I'm guessing it's popularity? You come rushing to school in your underwear, asking Kyoko, the nicest girl around, to be your friend. I mean, Sawada. I knew you were no good. But I didn't think you were actually terrible."

Tsunayoshiko has a lot of things to say. But there's too many, and she doesn't know where to start. How do sentences work? How do mouths work? She suddenly forgot. The noises she hears are so loud now too, competing for attention she doesn't have to spare. She wants to focus on this conversation. She wants to answer. She does. She wants to tell Kurokawa how wrong she is. But all she can do is stare at her, scratching her arms harder.

There's a gunshot. Tsunayoshiko falls.

It's like a breath of fresh air. That's what it was like the first time too. Everything becomes so clear. The clutter of noises gets swept away. Her thoughts filter to a singular desire. And Tsunayoshiko feels something warm and bright and hard flood her from the inside out. She has something to say.

Distantly, she hears the sound of clothes ripping. Distantly, she hears Kurokawa shout and start to run away. Distantly, she feels herself grab Kurokawa's wrist, pulling her back. Distantly, it must be distantly because it's not important. She knows what's important now and everything else, every other noise or thought, falls away - burned away by this desire to tell Kurokawa...

"You're wrong! This! It's all wrong! I don't want to be popular! I don't want magical transformations! I don't want purpose or power! I'm not looking to be awesome! I just don't want to be alone anymore! That's all!"

"What the hell, Sawada!"

She still can't look Kurokawa in the eye, but she squeezes her wrist. And that's enough. Kurokawa is listening. But more than that, Tsunayoshiko is speaking.

"When I asked Kyoko to hang out, I meant it! It wasn't a grab at popularity or whatever you're thinking! I just. Want. To be. Friends. I think she's nice and friendly and that's why. It wasn't because she was popular."

The warm rush is spilling out now. She can feel it leaving. She squeezes her eyes shut and keeps talking.

"It's not just Kyoko. I think you're amazing too. You're confident and outspoken and you never let anyone walk all over you. That's so cool. You're so cool. And I..."

Empty. It's all gone now, and she feels like her chest is collapsing, falling into the space it left behind. She feels cold, inside and outside. Because she is wearing only her underwear again. Faced in such a situation, Tsunayoshiko did the only thing she could. She cries.

This freaks Hana out. Everything about this freaks her out. Sawada just exploded and now she's crying and... She also thought Hana was cool. Not that Hana needs validation or anything, that's for nearsighted monkeys. But, she doesn't hear people tell that to her often, or earnestly enough that they exploded from their clothing.

She would never say it, not while she lives and breathes, but Hana felt really flattered just now.

Sighing, Hana awkwardly pats Sawada's hand, still clinging to her wrist. "Hey, hey. None of that. C'mon. It'll be okay. I'll go to the gym and I'll get your gym clothes. You can wear that for the rest of the day. Alright?"

Sawada nods, still bawling her eyes out.

"Honestly. There are easier ways to befriend people," Kurokawa laughs, the absurdity of the situation settling in. "Do you think you can let go? Unless you wanna walk with me to the gym?"

Sawada shakes her head, releasing Hana's wrist.

Hana clears her throat, not sure if she should hug Sawada or something. She decides not to do anything, just crossing her arms. "Yeah. So, I'll be right back okay? Stay put unless you wanna give people a show. I'll get you a change of clothes."

Starting to walk away, Hana didn't feel quite right just leaving a sobbing, half-naked girl all alone. She heaves a deep breath, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Facing Sawada again, she says, "And I'll talk to Kyoko. We can do something. Eat lunch together, I guess. That's not like an offer of friendship or anything. You're still weird as hell. But... Whatever."

Sawada looks up at that, tears streaming down her face, and snot dripping everywhere. It's disgusting. But her surprise is a fantastic change from being outright miserable. Or at least, Hana thinks so. She nods to herself and turns around, starting to walk again.

"Th-Thank you!" Sawada calls out behind her.

Hana waves out a hand. There's something fluttering in the space between her ribs but Hana is pretty sure if she acknowledges it, she'll break out in hives. This is why she leaves the cutesy feelings for Kyoko to manage for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I substituted the Mochida confrontation for Hana's. Mostly because it didnt feel true to character for a dickbag like Mochida was to challenge Tsuna to a duel. Duels are for men, he thinks, if he challenged my Tsuna to a duel, he's on some level acknowledging this girl is a threat to him. Which I think would hurt his manly pride. Also, challenging a girl to a duel doesn't feel as validating as challenging a loser guy.
> 
> Violence to women almost always involves one being an authority figure. A duel implies some level of equality. 
> 
> Mochida's general entitlement will come up. But dudes know the best way to terrify a girl is to get them alone with him. So. If I continue this, that's where it's gonna go.
> 
> I'm playing around a lot with gender here. Mostly because gender performance for Japan is a lot stricter I think than gender performance in the West. Or if not stricter, the rules are different. Im partially really wanting to explore that.


End file.
